The Dating Game!!!
by Johnny the Homocidal Maniac
Summary: Link Must choose who he wants to date for the night. Shows the differant possibliatys and what happens! Rated R for Sex. Read and Review


Link sat in the cushy red chair and looked at the tall man with the slicked back black hair. He smiled at him "Welcome to the Dating Game! I'm your host Guy Secksee! Our bachelor today is Link from Hyrule!" the man said in the corniest voice Link had heard in a long time. Link saw a large audience clapping all with the same fake smile.   
  
What Link was unaware of was that there were three girls on the other side of the screen that he could not see: Malon, Saria, and Zelda. Unfortunately for him there voices were all similar and he could not tell who was who. Even if he did he doubted he could choose. He read off the first card "Number one, if you were an ice cream what would you be?" Malon answered "Strawberry! Because I'm sweet and natural!" He nodded "Number two?" Saria thought for a minute "Mint. Because I am one with nature and mint is my favorite kind of leaf" He thought about the answer she had given   
  
"Number three?" he asked. Zelda tilted her head "French Vanilla because I'm classy and tasty" He thought to himself 'Tasty? Hmmm I bet she is.' He shook his head back to focus. He still had no idea who was who. He looked at the next question "If you could date one video game character who would it be, number one?" Malon quickly answered "Crash Bandicoot! Because he is so hot!" Link thought about a human girl with a bandicoot and couldn't help but laugh. "Number two?" Saria placed her hands on her head. "Um well, I would have to say Donkey Kong because he is so strong and handsome" Link got another strange image and shook his head in disgust. "Number three?" Zelda knew her answer right away "I want a guy with brains, I don't care about looks of how strong they are! I would have to say Mario, because he is a classic and he is smart and I just think he is really cool" Saria and Malon laughed at her.   
  
Link liked number threes answer the best. He didn't want a girl who screwed monkeys! More and more idiotic questions were asked, each one stranger than the last. Suddenly a bell rang. Guy Secksee smiled at Link, he sort of reminded Link of the Happy Mask Shop Owner. "Now Link it is time to choose your dream date! Number one! Number two! Or number three!" Link thought to himself, "Well number one is natural and normal but not so smart. Number two is sexy and kinky but dumb as a stick and number three was . . .' He could not find a fault in number three.   
  
Link began "Guy, I would like to choose . . ." Malon and Saria stood up in confidence it was them. "Number three!" Zelda hopped up and Malon and Saria slipped back down into there chairs embarrassed. "Now meet who you missed!" Guy said. Saria and Malon walked out with grumpy looks on there faces and Saria flipped him the bird. "Sorry" Link said quietly.   
  
Guy smiled at him "And your dream date is . . ." Link twitched with anticipation. Zelda stepped out from behind a screen and smiled at him. Her strawberry blonde hair looked soft and framed her face, her blue eyes were hypnotic, her lips were pouty, her dress was white and so thin you could see right through it . . . Suddenly his image was interrupted by Guy "Now it's time for the traditional Dating Game Hug!" He stood up and she wrapped her arms around his neck as he placed his hands on her waist. His eyes met hers, Link was once again in fantasy. He and Zelda were riding on Epona into the sunset he turned around to look at her only to see that she was naked, bouncing up and down in beat with the horse. . . "YOU AND ZELDA WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL DREAM DATE AT THE FABULOUS . . ." Guy rudely interrupted another one of Links visions. "LAKE HYLIA! YOU WILL SPEND THE NIGHT AT THE LOCAL INN AND ENJOY FISHING, HORSE BACK RIDING, SWIMMING AND FINE DINING AT THE BRAND NEW LON LON CAFE!" Guy finished. Zelda looked so happy. She had never gone to the lake before.   
  
They rode off from the Dating Game on Links horse, similar to his last day dream except Zelda was fully clothed. She clung to Links back frightened like a child. It was 7:38 when the arrived at the lake. Link helped Zelda off the horse and led her to the near by fish restaurant. They sat at the candle lit table and she glanced at him over a glass of red wine. He paid the check and they went on a walk through the forest with fire flies fluttering around them. They held hands and say by a small pond filled with sparkling fish dancing in the moon light. He played a sweet melody on his ocarina as she dipped her feet into the pond. They sat there for a while until it started to rain.   
  
He helped her onto Epona and raced towards the Inn. The ran up the stairs to there room laughing. She sat down on the bed and removed her damp cloak. Link took off his hat and sat next to her. She placed her hand on his cheek and kissed him gingerly. He kissed her back and she lay down unbuttoning her blouse. She helped him take off his tunic and she took off her bra. He examined her and gasped then ran off into the bath room. Zelda frowned, she wasn't that bad. She did have a small dragon fly shaped birth mark on her left breast but it wasn't that ugly. She could hear Link throwing up. She felt like she was going to cry.   
  
He came out of the bathroom and wiped his mouth. "Zelda . . ." he said motioning for her to come to him. "Look" he whispered showing her his chest. She gasped and saw the same dragon fly shaped birth mark on his chest as well. They did have the same hair and eye color and they were both left handed. "Oh my god" she said covering her mouth. She began to cry and embraced him. "We almost . . ." she began but stopped herself .Link got dressed and packed his things while she slept then left on his horse and he never saw her again.   
  
That is how is could have happened . . . how about this.   
  
Link and Saria left town and headed right for the Inn, she said she wasn't hungry for food. He didn't know what she meant by this but went anyway. Saria looked like a little girl but mentally was the same age as Link. She looked like she was fourteen at the most. He felt odd going on a date with her considering they had been friends for as long as he could remember and that he looked like he was twenty and she looked far younger. Though he doubted they would actually make love she seemed pretty confident. He found himself feeling odd with his childhood friend riding into the sunset. "Wait" she whispered and motioned for him to go towards Hyrule Castle.   
  
  
They walked into town and she led him into the Temple of Time. He didn't understand but she seemed to have a plan. "Give me your sword" she said. He handed it to her skeptically. She lifted it high above her head, he was amazed at her strength. She started to chant something and her fairy danced around her in a panic. Navi yelled to Link "STOP HER!!!" he jumped out and grabbed her just and she swung the sword down sticking it into the stone at her feet.   
  
There was a flash of blue.   
  
Link opened his eyes after a couple of minutes and he and Navi were still in the Temple of Time. He looked at his reflection from his shield and he looked the same. "Where is Saria?" he asked Navi looking around. He turned to see a figure in a cape sitting on the stairs. It stood up and looked at Link. It was Saria except . . . taller and older. She looked to be about seventeen. She had long green hair piled into a messy bun on her head and dangling earrings and a beautiful pale body. Her eyes were violet and she removed her cloak to show a long thin white dress covered with flowers.   
  
He gaped at her and she laughed. "It was my only chance to become a woman. Other wise I would have remained a child forever." she paused and walked towards him "You like?" she asked. He nodded. She took his hand and led him out of the Temple. They road on Epona to the Inn. Navi flew close behind shocked at how beautiful there friend had become.   
  
They entered the hotel room made of mostly wood with dried flowers everywhere and incense burning. She sat down on the bed and smiled at Link. He smiled back and walked towards her. He kissed her softly and she wrapped her arms around him. They sat there kissing for a moment in the sandal wood scented room. Navi flew around and blew out the candles so the room was dark and left the couple to themselves.   
  
(I left out the sex scene cause people always bitch at me and tell me I'm going to hell and shit, like I didn't know that already!)   
  
Sunlight filled the room and Saria looked around. She lay naked next to Link who was sleeping like a child. She smiled and looked over at his leather bag. She grabbed it and began to search through it. She found an old letter, a quill and some ink. She began to write as he slept.   
  
Link,   
I had a wonderful time last night but now that I am an adult I don't want to spend the rest of my life with my childhood crush. Don't take this the wrong way, please. I'm taking some of your things, your blue tunic, and your boom-a-rang. I need to have an adventure, but I'm sure our paths will cross again. I love you . . . -Saria   
  
She got dressed into the tunic and ran out. Navi just shook her head sadly and sat by Links pillow waiting for him to awake so she could point out the letter. She hated seeing her best friend sad because it made her sad too.   
  
(Sucky way to end that one? I dunno . . . maybe I'll think up something better later. But it could have happened like this)   
  
  
Malon and Link walked out of the 'Dating Game Room' and into the stables near by. To Links surprise Malon hopped on first letting Link sit in the back. He didn't object, considering she had had a bit more knowledge of horses than he. She rode faster and had more control than Link.   
  
"Where to?" she asked. Link thought for a while "Wanna go meet other faeire people?" he asked. She turned and smiled at him, then turned towards Koroki Forest. Epona wasn't allowed to enter so the got off and entered the giant log.   
  
One inside Malon was amazed at how beautiful it was. There were fire flies in the night sky and flowers every where and the sounds of crickets and frogs. He looked over towards his old house that he hadn't been in in ages.   
  
They climbed up the stairs and unlocked the doors to find everything a bit dusty but pretty much the way he left it. "It's nice, it could use a womanly touch but its nice" she said looking out the window. Link served her some grilled fish that he bought from the store served in Deku Nut sauce with Lon Lon Wine. He lit some candles and the ate. Afterwards they left for a walk in the forest.   
  
They got lost many times but finally found an meadow. There was a fresh water spring in there and Malon drank some, her red hair falling in her face. "Just the perfect temperature" she said slipping off her dress and under garments. She slid in and swam about. "Come on in" she said to Link.   
  
Link had never taken his clothes off faster. He got in and swam over to her. He sat down on a rock that was peeping out of the water. She startled him and they made love in the water all night long. When they woke up the were in each others arms in the tall daisy field. Her eyes fluttered open and she kissed his lips lightly. "You know, I've had a crush on you since I was thirteen" He smiled and said "Same here" The started dating a little while after and as far as I know they still are to this day.   
  
I liked this one a lot. But it could have happened like this. . .   
  
"So who do you choose Link?" the game show host asked. Link pondered with his head in his hands and the girls all gathered around each other, giddy with excitement. Link looked up at the audience who shook in suspense. "I choose . . ." Everyone was on the edge of there seats "I choose . . . YOU GUY SECKSEE! I haven't been able to take my eyes off of you from the moment I saw you!" Link said. Guy giggled and ran and jumped into Links arms and they left the studio into the moon lit valley on Epona.   
  
THE END!   
  
Please write in the review who you think Link should have ended up with and what you thought of my stupid story! I would like to apologize for all mis-spelled words. the spell check is down.


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